The Month of Debauchery: Memorial Day Edition

I’m on an eleven month contract at work. This Memorial Day weekend is the kickoff for my first ever month off contract. I’ve been looking forward to the enforced vacation so much that I have christened June 2011 as my Month of Debauchery. Of course, I don’t plan on doing any debauching—think more Librarian on the Lam. And to be honest, half of the month will be spent at my parents’ house doing yardwork. But the other half of the month—oh what fun escapades I have in store! Stay tuned for details.

I kicked off my Month of Debauchery yesterday by making the six hour drive to my childhood home. On the way, I stopped off at my grandmother’s grave to give her some Memorial Day flowers. While not necessarily exciting, I did have a somewhat amusing experience people can learn from, so I’m including it here.

Hints for Celebrating Memorial Day:

1. When you get to the cemetery in question, make sure you know when the sprinklers will be on. Otherwise, you’ll have to sit in your car eating the cheese, crackers, and fruit you packed as a lunch while you wait for the ground to get muddier and muddier.


2. It’s also a good idea to prepare the flowers in advance. Otherwise, you’ll end up discovering that the flowers you bought are much too long for the vase you intended on sticking them in.


3. Since you weren’t prepared with the flowers, you most likely won’t be prepared with garden shears. You will end up ransacking the trunk of your car, which happens to be packed to the gills with a month’s worth of luggage. There you may find a manicure set, which includes this handy-although-never-before-used tool:
   
   


4. After gnawing away at your flowers with your tiny scissors until they are all the right size, arrange the flowers in the vase and then prepare to slog through the mud to the gravesite in question.


5. Without kneeling in the mud, place your flowers near the grave and spend a moment of quiet contemplation.


6. Slog back to your car, which will need to be re-packed after the ransacking it has just experienced.


7. Head off into the sunset.